How can I get over a traumatic birth?
It's just one day in our lives, yet it stays with us forever. The birth of a child is always a momentous occasion, but for some it can also be horrendously scary and completely overwhelming. We never really know how it's going to pan out. There seems like there are so many possibilities and outcomes that run through our minds in the lead up to the day...
After the event, we have to get on with our new role as mummy, which is so completely distracting in every sense. When do we actually allow ourselves to deal with what happened on that special birthday? A year down the line?...after the toddler years, never?
My birth story of my second child was a nightmare. From being fifteen days over due, carrying a very large baby, being paired with a midwife who didn't seem to care about me, the most horrific pain I have ever experienced in my life, having to fight for any pain relief four hours into established labour, then very nearly loosing my baby after he became stuck in the later stages, which resulted in him being resuscitated and then us being separated for 12 hours after a very short cuddle. Then after all that, whilst laying on my own in a dark and empty ward, realising that my stomach muscle walls had completely separated. Feeling my intestines like snakes in my belly. A nightmare!
All this accumulated in me having to be stronger and more determined than I had ever been before. It very, very nearly broke me, mentally. I had two little children depending on me, so I did what most mothers do...got on with it!
The thing is, a traumatic experience like that doesn't just disappear, it lingers on, in the background and often comes out in negative behaviour and subconscious strategies to try and cope. This in the long run becomes quiet destructive and exhausting. It can reside as an anxiety, separation from the child even down the line can cause irrational fears and feelings of loss. Guilt can raise its ugly head in many situations, blaming ourselves for the trauma. A feeling of being a victim, questions of why me? Stress and feelings of resentment to our partners or family for not realising how much pain we were in, or how much more help we really needed. All of these feelings can become destructive patterns of thought and can twist into illogical, inappropriate behaviours, which are natural strategies, or coping mechanisms. After all, we are only human and time can't be stopped, so survival kicks in and we use these strategies to get on with life best we can.
The Control System has helped me deal with what happened on that day and the aftermath of what I had to deal with physically and mentally. Using the Control Method I have been able to forgive completely and resolve my feelings and it's so freeing! Energy returns to your body as that huge emotional weight is lifted. I had surgery to correct my stomach after 2.5 yrs and although it seemed like a long road to tred at the time, I got there! My little boy is now growing up and I am fully clear of those memories and destructive feelings. Mi I can put that day behind me and see it simply as one day in our life. I look forward to our future with excitement and feel free, without that weight of feeling I once lived with.
Do you suffer with memories of that day? Panicky feelings when you leave your child? a feeling of having not dealt with that experience ? Don't keep going... make a change, create your future with a new outlook free from trauma. The Control System can help...I want to help you!